WHAT NOT TO DO
Today i want to write about something that has been on my mind for a long time: The person i do not want to become when i grow up. As a teen i spend a lot of time thinking who i am and who i wanna be when i grow up. I love my mum but i can’t say i ever took her as a role model. not even as a child. This might be a kind of complaint full of self pitying but this is my blog and i am not begging you to read these so here are some stuff i decided to avoid doing:
I don’t remember my parents ever couraged me in any of my decisions. When i try to go on a diet, mum buys food with a lot of calories, when i don’t care about my weight she makes fun of my body, she always complains about how much i read and when i said i wanted to wear hijab we argued for days and a lot more other similar stuff. All of these ended by me deciding not to tell anything about myself to my mum again.
so unless you’re sure that something is bad for someone, please don’t discourage anybody. I know people do this because they care, but show that you care by explaining, not by hurting.
2. being careless
I have been struggling with depression, self harm and anxiety for more than 3 years, and nobody believed i wasn’t an attention seeker, i was actually sick until last year, same time i started going to a therapist and a psychiatrist and using medicine.
When i have for example very high fever or when i am feeling really sick, my mom gets super angry and tells me to take pills & doesn’t talk to me normally &always shouts, blames and complains til i get better. Not the best cure, i must say. She never asks me what’s wrong. Imagine: your daughter doesn’t speak, laugh, tell you anything, hang out with her friends, want to leave her bed, do homework, instead she cuts herself or stares at the wall or ceiling for minutes for years.
But i didn’t wanna be like that. I never wanted to be like that, so i tried to tell her, which usually ended up a)mom interrupting the moment i started and changed the subject or b)me crying and mum shouting. She says, there’s nothing i can be sad about and i am a very bad child, so to be a normal and a good child, i stopped talking to her about my feelings.
I think we should talk more about psychology. Because something little you say or do can affect someone’s life a lot, so we should remember to be kind all the time, because everyone has their own little or big problems. We can’t say someone is happy by their smile. If you love and care about someone, just ask. Show that you care. Show that you will do anything to help. LISTEN. The person may be waiting for someone to do so for a long time.
3. never trusting
I don’t know if i should explain this. I’ve just had one ldr which i currently have and i don’t go out, i don’t smoke, drink, do anything bad people in my age does, i have the friends parents would like their children to have and my parents STILL don’t trust me at all. when i wrote diaries my mum would read everything and she locked herself in her room to read my messages on my phone few times, which is pretty heartbreaking.
Caring about someone and prying into someone’s affairs are too very different things.
4. deciding for others
‘you like that?’
‘but that’s not your style’
‘come on, we are going shopping’
(i hate shopping. and i hate shopping when i am feeling sad, tired or when i am on my period, but apparently that doesn’t make any difference)
‘we are going beach this summer. you don’t like beach? but it will be fun. of course we are going’
This is something my mum does all the time. I hate going out, especially with my family. But if mom tells me to go somewhere, do something, wear this, buy that, it HAS TO BE done. She doesn’t care if I don’t like it or if I am feeling sick or depressed or whatever, i have no right to decide what to do with my own life, which makes me have no desire to live at all.
Nobody is your robot. None of us have the right to control others’ lives.I see a lot of people living with the pressure of their friends, families, coaches, whatever. If you are one of these people try to keep calm and be stubborn. I know it is hard, but try t0 explain how you feel. Because the more you let this happen, the more you’ll lose the control of your life.
5. making fun of people
That is probably the biggest reason and i don’t really want to talk about this, for it makes me really sad, but i am only gonna say laughing and making fun at someone who is crying under her pillow is NOT helping. I am gonna tell my opinions about how not to help someone with depression in another text.
We all know making fun of someone’s appearance, dreams, thoughts or feelings make them really sad and insecure, so why do that? You can see someone laughing when you make fun of them but you can’t know if they cry in the night.
I know what i am doing here is also an actual way of complaining, but it’s the first time i am doing it, if that counts as an excuse. These things have been inside of me for years and now i can’t stand it anymore.
I don’t want to be someone who is never satisfied and who always complains. That’s pretty disappointing for people who are trying to make you happy, if you know what i mean.
Easy one: Smiling at someone can really make someone’s day. Or if they’re a hugger -like me- hugging them can actually make them super happy. One time when i was really depressed and constantly thinking about suicide, a girl in my class hugged me and told me she loved me, and i can’t even explain how happy i got by this. It actually changed my life and gave me energy for the next few weeks.
I think that was all. I hope it helps anyone (though I have no idea how this can help anybody)
i hope you’re all having a good day ^‿^